Ammā Ba’d: (In the name of Allah سبحانه وتعالى and blessings upon the messenger ﷺ )
Do I have children? Not yet but Insha Allah, I pray I get blessed with lots of them! I love kids, love educating them, playing with them and when I do have them, I pray Allah سبحانه وتعالى grants me wisdom, ability and strength to at least start off with homeschooling and raise them according to the Qur’an and Sunnah Insha Allah!
With that, do expect to see posts on parenting here on the blog Insha Allah 💕
I started reading the book ‘Naṣīḥatī li-Nisā’ (My Advice to the Women) by Umm ʿAbdillāh al-Wādiʿīyyah, the daughter of the late Imām, Al-ʿAllāmah Muqbil ibn Hādi al-Wādiʿī – raḥimahullāh and in it were 21 points from Qurʾān and Sunnah on raising children.
Our sister Umm Abdillah Masha Allah mentioned the difficulty in raising children and how it requires both patience and tactfulness as kids are different. Some need to be treated with gentleness and ease while others need someone that will be firm with them although the firmness should not exceed that which is reasonable.
She further mentions that it is essential that parents work together in raising their children. If one of them were to neglect his or her responsibility then this important part of the child’s development would become deficient except for that which Allah wills.
O you who believe! Ward off from yourselves and your families a Fire (Hell) whose fuel is men and stones, over which are (appointed) angels stern (and) severe, who disobey not, (from executing) the Commands they receive from Allah, but do that which they are commanded. Surah Al Tahrim Ayah 6
Abdullah ibn Umar reported: The Messenger of Allah, peace and blessings be upon him, said, “Every one of you is a shepherd and is responsible for his flock. The leader of people is a guardian and is responsible for his subjects. A man is the guardian of his family and he is responsible for them. A woman is the guardian of her husband’s home and his children and she is responsible for them. The servant of a man is a guardian of the property of his master and he is responsible for it. No doubt, every one of you is a shepherd and is responsible for his flock.”
Source: Ṣaḥīḥ al-Bukhārī 6719, Ṣaḥīḥ Muslim 1829
Each child should be taught according to their level and understanding and our sister Umm Abdillah, stated these 21 beautiful examples 💞
1. To teach the child, ‘Where is Allāh?’ by pointing with one’s finger towards the heavens. (This is done in the first stage of the child’s development)
2. Instructing the child to eat with his/her right-hand whenever they are given food regardless how little it is.
3. Teaching the child not to blow on hot food/drink as it has been prohibited by the Prophet ﷺ.
4. Teach the child by age 1-1½ to mention ‘bismillah’ upon eating/drinking.
5. To teach the child the pillars of Islām and īmān once they reach an age that they can comprehend. The ability of children to articulate and their intellects differ so it’s up to a parent to figure out when their child is able to understand.
6. To teach the child the rulings of wuḍūʿ.
7. Teach them to eat with their right hand and eat which is near to them.
‘Umar bin Abu Salamah (May Allah be pleased with him) reported:Messenger of Allah (ﷺ), said to me, “Mention Allah’s Name (i.e., say Bismillah before starting eating), eat with your right hand, and eat from what is near you.”
[Al-Bukhari and Muslim].
8. Get them accustomed with good and command them with ṣalāt at 7yrs of age. The Messenger of Allaah said:
“Order your children with the prayer at the age of seven, and strike them (if they become lazy with it) when they reach the age of ten and also separate their beds.”
9. Separating between the children’s’ beds when they are 10yrs of age.
10. Accustom them with fasting as long as it doesn’t weaken them.
Musaddad told us that Bishr ibn al-Mufadhal told us upon the authority of Khaalid ibn Dhakwaan upon the authority of Ar-Rubayyi’ bint Mu’awwidh that she said that the Prophet sent a messenger to a village of the Ansaar in the early morning of the day of ‘Aashoora’ (10th of Muharram) to announce, “Whoever began the day by eating something should complete the remainder of the day, and whoever began the day fasting should continue to fast.” She further said, “So thereafter we used to fast on that day and we would also make our boys fast. We used to make for them toys from wool so if any one of them started to cry for food, we would give him those toys until it became time for the breaking of the fast.””Whoever began the day by eating something should complete the remainder of the day and whoever began the day fasting should continue to fast”
11. Teach your child the correct ʿaqīdah. The Prophet said to ‘Abdullaah ibn ‘Abbaas:
“O, young boy! Certainly, I will teach you some words. Be mindful of Allaah (Preserve the commands and prohibitions of Allaah), He will preserve you. Safeguard His rights, you will find Him (always) near. If you ask, then ask of Allaah; and if you seek assistance, then seek the assistance of Allaah. And know that if the entire nation were to gather together in order to benefit you with something, they will not be able to benefit you except with that which Allaah has written for you. And if they were to gather together to harm to you with something, they will not be able to harm you with anything except what Allaah has written against you. The pens have been lifted and the pages have dried.”
12. Advise your child with that with Luqmān advised his child.
“And (remember) when Luqman said to his son while he was advising him, ‘O my son! Do not associate anything (in worship) with Allaah. Indeed! Associating others (in worship) with Allaah is a great injustice.’ And We have enjoined upon man (to be dutiful and good) to his parents. His mother carried him (increasing her) in weakness and hardship upon weakness and hardship, and his weaning is to be two years. Give thanks to Me and to your parents; unto Me is the final destination. But if they strive to make you associate others with Me in worship that which you have no knowledge, then do not obey them, but behave with them in this world considerately, and follow the way of those who return to Me in repentance. Then unto Me will be your return, and I will inform you of what you used to do. ‘O my son! If it (i.e. wrong) should be the weight of a mustard seed, and should be in a rock, or (anywhere) in the heavens or the earth, Allaah will bring it forth. Indeed, Allaah is Subtle, Well-Acquainted. O my son! Establish the prayer, enjoin the good, forbid the evil, and endure with patience whatever afflicts you. Certainly! These are from the most important of matters. And do not turn your cheek (in contempt) toward the people, and do not walk exuberantly through the earth. Indeed, Allaah does not like the self-deluded, boaster. And be moderate in your pace, and lower your voice. Certainly, the harshest of sounds is the braying of the donkey.’” [Soorah Luqmaan 31:13-19]
13. Teach them to seek permission to enter a house or a room.
“O you who believe! Let those whom your right hands possess, and those who have not yet reached the age of puberty among you to seek your permission (before entering) three times; before the morning prayer, and while you remove your clothing for the afternoon (rest), and after the night prayer. (These are) three times of privacy for you. There is no blame upon you or them at other than these (times), for they circulate among you –some of you, among others. Thus, does Allaah make clear to you the verses. And Allaah is All-Knowing, All-Wise [Soorah an-Noor 24:58]
14. Teach them the matters which are forbidden that they may abstain from them.
In the narration of Aboo Hurayrah who said that Al-Hasan ibn ‘Alee d took a date from the dates set aside for charity and then placed it in his mouth. So then the Messenger of Allaah said: « “Leave it, leave it, and discard that; have I not taught you that we do not eat from the charity.”
15. Explaining the meaning of an āyah or ḥadīth that is being related to them.
16. Connect their hearts to Allāh instead of the worldly life.
17. Give concern to the memorisation of the Qurʾān. Help them memorise some parts of the Qur’an daily.
Upon the authority of ‘Amr ibn al-‘Aas d who said that the Messenger of Allaah r said: ‘“It will be said to the possessor of the Qur’aan, ‘Recite slowly and precisely and (you will ascend), just as you used to recite slowly and precisely in the worldly life. Certainly, your station will be determined by the last verse that you recite.
18. Do not allow your children to intermingle with the foolish children since he will most certainly acquire their foul statements and actions and this will destroy whatever he has learned.
19. Do not allow your children to remain outside in the evening for indeed the Devils move about at that time. It is possible that some harm could come to your child by way of them.
The Messenger of Allaah said: “When the darkness of night arrives or the evening comes, then keep your children close to you, for the Devils move about out at that time. Then if an hour passes into the night, then you can leave them, close your doors, and mention the name of Allaah for indeed Satan cannot open a closed door.”
20. Sometimes the child should be left alone to entertain himself. Certainly, if he is constantly prohibited from playing, perhaps this will stunt (the development of) his intellect; and boredom and weariness will occur because of this. Therefore, if the parents desire that their children develop then they should strive hard to ensure that their children receive an Islaamic upbringing and are educated regarding the Book and the Sunnah.
From the reasons that cause the Muslim parents’ level in the Hereafter to be raised is the supplication of their righteous child for them. Aboo Hurayrah said that the Messenger of Allaah said:
“When the son of Aadam dies, all of his deeds cease except for three: a continuous charity, beneficial knowledge, or a righteous child who supplicates for him.”
21. Make your child sit with those who are righteous.
In addition to this, I saw a very benefial fatwa by Shaykh Ibn Uthaimeen in regards to disciplining children 👇🏾
WasSallallahu ‘alā Nabiyinā Muhammad. Your Sister in Islam (Umm Yusuf / Mina)
You know I got you! Here’s a PDF of the full chapter from the book on raising children: lots to read and implement insha allah so Chop Chop! 👇🏾