“And among His Signs is this, that He created for you wives from among yourselves, that you may find repose in them, and He has put between you affection and mercy. Verily, in that are indeed signs for a people who reflect”
Bismillahir Rahmanir Raheem
This is probably my all time favourite topic. Love reading articles about nikah, admiring brides in their long gowns with the whole ooohing and aww’wing that I utter when I see a beautiful couple and ofcourse, not forgetting an Allahumma barik to go with it saving them from evil eye.
These past few months, I have been learning so much relating to the topic of meeting a spouse the halal way, the sitting, what is permissible in time of courtship, the nikah itself and the sunnah acts for a couple on the night of the wedding. All thanks to my elder cousin who managed to do everything the halal way Alhamdullilah making my future wedding process a lot easier as I always get the weird looks whenever I discuss how I want my wedding to be with segregation and little interaction with the future spouse with a mahram or the very least, a third party present.
Marriage can become wajib (obligatory), sunnah (recommended) , makruh (disliked), mubah (allowed) and haram (forbidden) depending on each individual circumstance. Insha Allah I will post a link down below where you can read more about each case. For the sake of this blog post, let’s concentrate on it being wajib, sunnah or mubah.
I will try as much as possible to make this a short post and will therefore, just have cute little pointers on the necessary steps I have been able to gather in regards to the whole process.
Bismillahir Rahmanir Raheem
❤️ Istighfar – who doesn’t want to get married really? It is advised that in seeking to get married, one should engage in a lot of istighfar. Repentance so Allah SWT will make your search easy for you insha Allah.
“And said, ‘Ask forgiveness of your Lord. Indeed, He is ever a Perpetual Forgiver. He will send [rain from] the sky upon you in [continuing] showers And give you increase in wealth and children and provide for you gardens and provide for you rivers.” Surah Nuh 10 – 12
❤️ Fasting – lowering the gaze following the sunnah can be a little bit difficult especially in the generation we live in now. Fitnah everywhere! From the billboards on the streets to the work place. This is not just for the brother’s but for us sisters too. Temptation can get to us but “get married or die fasting right” ? Ok not literally but you get the gist. Fasting helps in controlling ones desire to not fall into haram.
The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “I have not left behind me any fitnah more harmful to men than women.” Narrated by al-Bukhaari (5096) and Muslim (2741).
It was narrated that ‘Abdullah said: “The Messenger of Allah said to us: ‘O young men, whoever among you can afford it, let him get married, for it is more effective in lowering the gaze and guarding chastity, and whoever cannot then he should fast, for it will be a restraint (wija’) for him.'”
❤️ Set your intention right. Know why you want to get married. Marriage in Islam should only be for the sake of Allah. This is probably one of the most important things as actions are but their intention. By doing something only for the sake of Allah, you are also seeking Barakah from Allah SWT in your marriage and one will find contentment in whatever situation or whoever they end up marrying knowing that Allah SWT will reward you.
❤️ Do not earn the wrath of Allah SWT in the process of finding a spouse – There is no doubt that interacting with the opposite sex unnecessarily is forbidden talking less of dating. Marriage to a pious and good spouse is a blessing from Allah SWT and no one can earn blessings while upon sin.
It is sunnah and recommended to look at the one proposed to before marriage. If possible, look at her in the presence of her guardian (walī). If that is not possible, you can hide yourself and see her in a place she makes her self appear in her regular appearance. Now this is something I found out off late on what extent a man can look at. There seems to be a difference of opinion with the likes of Imam Al-Shaafa’i (may Allaah have mercy on him) stating “If he wants to marry a woman, he is not allowed to see her without a headcover” but I have read other scholarly opinions and asked a student of knowledge and it seems permissible for a man to see what a woman’s mahram would normally see and this includes her neck and without a head cover. Allah knows best.
From Jaabir ibn ‘Abd-Allaah: “The Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: ‘If one of you proposes marriage to a woman, if he can look at her to see that which will encourage him to go ahead and marry her, then let him do so.’ I proposed marriage to a young woman, and I used to hide where I could see her, until I saw that which encouraged me to go ahead and marry her, so I did so.’”
According to another report he said, ‘a young woman of Bani Salamah. I used to hide from her, until I saw that which encouraged me to go ahead and marry her, so I did so.” (Saheeh Abi Dawood, no. 1832, 1834)
The sunnah is to have meetings with a mahram or at the very least, have a third party present due to the hadeeth of the messenger SAW “No man is alone with a woman but the shaytaan is the third one present” and therefore the meeting should NOT be in seclusion.
Additionally, a meeting is for the purpose of determining. Not to take pleasure and should be when it is likely or expected that she may accept the proposal of marriage in order to look at that which appears normally. Sisters, can I also just add that we don’t shake hands, hug, beautify ourselves at this stage with makeup or perfume as whoever you are sitting with, isn’t your husband yet and beautifying oneself will fall under tabaruj (wanton display) and wearing perfume is not permissible following the hadeeth of SAW “If a woman puts on perfume and passes by people so that they can smell her fragrance, then she is such and such,” and he spoke sternly – meaning an adulteress. Narrated by Abu Dawood (4173) and al-Tirmidhi (2786); classed as saheeh by Ibn Daqeeq al-Eid in al-Iqtiraah (126) and by Shaykh al-Albaani in Saheeh al-Tirmidhi.
Also, It is not permissible to propose to a woman with knowledge that she has already shown interest or is in courtship with someone else.
❤️ Istikhara – is there a more powerful weapon after meeting someone for marriage with the right intention other than asking guidance from Allah SWT? The dua for istikhara is probably the most assuring tool anyone can use as none of us know the unseen. We make decisions with hope that things will turn out for the best and there is no other way of assuring ourselves that we have made the right decision without performing istikhara!!! And I am typing this with all the exclamation marks just to over emphasise on the issue. Performing istikhara for marriage does not mean that it will be happily ever after reuniting in jannah but it simply means that you have asked Allah SWT to guide you to what’s best for you here in this life and the next. Him SWT, to facilitate it for you and make it easy if it is what is good for you. If however, it isn’t good for you then to put obstacles in your way.
❤️ Don’t drag it! Do not delay nikah. Narrated / Authority of: Ali reported that the Prophet (SAW) said to him, “O Ali! Do not postpone three things: prayer when it is time for it, funeral when it is ready and the marriage of an unmarried woman when a suitable match is found. [Ahmed 828, Ibn e Majah 1486](Hadeeth)
❤️ Mahr should be affordable. Al-Bayhaqi (14721) narrated that the Prophet (blessings and peace of Allaah be upon him) said: “The best of dowries is that which is most affordable.” It was narrated by Abu Dawood (2117) with the wording: “The best of marriages is that which is most affordable.” This was classed as saheeh by al-Albaani. and in another hadeeth, Ahmad (23957) and Ibn Maajah (4095) narrated from ‘Aa’ishah (may Allaah be pleased with her) that the Messenger of Allaah (blessings and peace of Allaah be upon him) said: “One of the signs of a woman being blessed is that the process of proposing to her is made easy and the dowry is made affordable and she bears children easily.” Classed as hasan by al-Albaani in Saheeh al-Jaami’ (2235).
Real love starts after nikah afterall : )
❤️ A simple wedding is better. It is sunnah to have a walimah (feast). It was narrated from Anas (may Allaah be pleased with him) that the Prophet (blessings and peace of Allaah be upon him) said to ‘Abd al-Rahmaan ibn ‘Awf when he got married: “Give a feast even if it is with just one sheep.” Agreed upon. However, don’t over exaggerate it. Marriage with the least expense is the most blessed.
❤️ If possible, have your celebration segregated. This might be very difficult if you and I share the same background but in doing your best to not open doors to fitna in having mixed gatherings, you are not only upholding the sunnah but looking to attain more Barakah in your marriage.
❤️ Keep your bedroom life private. Discussing the virginity of ur spouse is not permissible. Urgh brothers and sisters, I don’t really know how to stress on this more but insha Allah let us try and educate the older generation about the act of celebrating in the morning after the wedding night. Culture shouldn’t be mixed with religion if it leads to something that is haram. I am hoping this is perhaps only practised where I am from. 😦
❤️ Sunnah is to make Du’a. Putting your hand on your wife’s head and praying for her. Because of the reports narrated by Abu Dawood “When one of you marries a woman, let him take hold of her forelock and say: O Allaah, I ask You for the goodness within her and the goodness that You have made her inclined towards, and I take refuge with You from the evil within her and the evil that You have made her inclined towards.” Classed as hasan by al-Albaani. Some of the salaf regarded it as mustahabb for the newly weds to pray two rak’ahs together: Ibn Abi Shaybah (17156) narrated that Shaqeeq said: A man came to ‘Abd-Allaah ibn Mas’ood and said: ‘I have married a young virgin girl, but I am afraid that she may hate me.’ ‘Abdullaah said: ‘Love comes from Allaah and hatred comes from Shaytaan, who wants to make you hate what Allaah has made permissible. When she comes to you, tell her to pray two rak’ahs behind you.’”. Classed as saheeh by al-Albaani in Adab al-Zafaaf(24).
❤️ Married couples are allowed to enjoy each other so long as it isn’t haram/doesn’t harm/ preoccupy from any obligation.
❤️ Be just and show kind treatment to your wives. Fear Allaah SWT with regard to her, and that she should fear Allaah with regard to him (the husband). Allaah SWT says (interpretation of the meaning): “and live with them honourably. If you dislike them, it may be that you dislike a thing and Allaah brings through it a great deal of good” [al-Nisa’ 4:19].
And the Prophet (blessings and peace of Allaah be upon him) said: “ If a woman offers her five daily prayers, fasts her month (Ramadan), guards her chastity and obeys her husband, it will be said to her: Enter Paradise from whichever of the Gates of Paradise you wish.” Classed as saheeh by al-Albaani in Takhreej al-Mishkaat (3254).
Right! That is it for now. I am due to start a course on the book of nikah so do expect a part 2 of this post insha allah if i come up with anything interesting which I haven’t already shared. Afterall as I have mentioned, it is my favourite topic so lots of note taken to be made insha allah .
Oh! Did you guys notice the hearts I used ? It was intentional just to set the mood ❤️
” Whomever Allaah has blessed with a righteous wife, He has helped him with half of his religion, so let him fear Allaah with regard to the other half”
Barakallahu feekum and Asalamu ‘alaikum,
Photo credit : Google images